Attention

def: the interest or thought that you give to something you are listening to or watching.

I'm OK with minimal attention

 until someone else seems to be getting more than I,

or

 someone else is getting it

 for something I do all the time, unnoticed.

I can get greedy for it.

I typically don't like chores that seem nameless.

I like to do things that give a sparkle and catch someone's eye.

Confessing these things are embarrassing

but they are true.

***

There's this God.

He just thought of this world, and it came to be.

And here it is.

I walk on it daily.

~~~ His Son, a true King… came here.~~~~

A king in a cradle…vulnerable…

Into a world that has a powerful, well-educated enemy on the prowl, 

How can a baby fight?

With Heavenly help. 

With God, whispering plans to a sleeping Joseph to go to Egypt.

Heavenly protection. 

From a very all knowing, all powerful Heavenly Father.

That is true of us.

Some of us are mere babes in the Kingdom of heaven.

How can we fight this crafty, cunning, subtle serpent?

We are no match for him….

We get our help from the same place the King in the cradle did.

All that power, all those years ago, still ignites, moves, creates and whispers.

The King went from the cradle to the cross and cried "It is Finished". (John 19:30)

Yet, there is one thing He still works at…

       Interceding for us. (Hebrews 7:25)

        Routing for us. (John 17: 20-23)

Like a man that gets off his lazy-boy chair and shouts at the game,

so I imagine Jesus does for us when we say no, or say yes, or do the opposite of our flesh, our world, our enemy.

We've got His attention.

Somewhere there is a King on a throne, perhaps bending towards you, warring on your behalf.

That is, if you are His.

That is, if you have bowed your heart towards His headship.

             That is if You say His name. (Romans 10: 9)

Jesus.

And like it.

And think about it.

And are changed by it.

Now, you are someone.

Because now, you love Him

     But He first loved you. (1 John 4:19)

Selah.

Think about that.

He thought about you before you thought about Him.

Think about that all day long.

      I have fallen upon the Rock. (Matt 21:44)

I have bended my knee.

I have asked for mercy.

Sold all I had to buy the pearl of great price. (Matt 13: 45-46)

  And found the treasure hidden in a field, and bought it. (Matt 13:44)

And now He constructs.

   And now He takes away. (Rev. 21:5)

 He always knocks, 

    and when all goes well, He dines with me. (Rev. 3:20)

This full grown King. 

That came in a cradle all those years ago.

I would have never asked for such a gift for Christmas.

But here He is.

With me.

       God with me. (Isaiah 7:14) (Matt. 1:23)

        Giving me His attention. (1 Sam 16:7)

Baseball Confession

"The good Lord was good to me.

He gave me a strong body, a good right arm, and a weak mind."

-Dizzy Dean

I have this image in my mind of a pitcher on a mound with a baseball in his hand.

Zoom in on the baseball, dirty, being fidgeted by the pitcher in all the rituals they do before they throw it.

When I have a thought mulling around my head, 

perhaps an agitating thought,

I keep fidgeting with it

I think maybe if I express it, it will be so powerful, 

that it will speed to over 100 mph over the targeted plate.

But to my astonishment,

often times it is weak and nothing at all once expressed.

The kind of emotion that wonders if the coach will get the relief pitcher.

So when I am turning a ball in my hand of confession,

I think, there probably is not that much power in this,

why should I bother?

I should just toss it up and catch it myself.

Play around with it.

But to say it aloud, is to throw it, to have the perfect, slow motion pitch.

And our jaws drop.

Why does speaking confession aloud have such an amazing effect??

Game winning effect?

I don't know the answer to that, but I know the stats.

Confession wins every time.

The power of a great flying ball.

The power of the spoken word.

"Talking to reporters over his pitcher's inability to hit, 

San Francisco Giants manager Alvin Dark joked 

'They'll put a man on the moon before

Gaylord Perry hits a home run.'

During a game on July 20, 1969; 

a mere 20 minutes after Neil Armstrong set foot

on the moon, Perry stepped up to bat

and hit his first career home run."

-Bleacher Report

I grow in freedom, rooted in love

Behold, I stand at the door and knock

Mercy and Truth have met

May Your unfailing love

You were redeemed

Always pray and not give up

The Woes and Remedies of the Homeschool Mom

"I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate."

Romans 7:15 NLT

This verse in Romans has spoken to many a soul.

But I feel like it is lived out on a daily basis in my home as a homeschool mom.

I want to do what is right:

• start on time
• have the house straightened up before we start on time 
• have my child understand it all the first time
• have a good attitude 
• do half as well as we did yesterday
• have checks next to everything on my list

Instead, I do what I hate:

• start late with the house not straightened up
• compare myself to others
• speak in angersigh deeply if I have to repeat myself
• fake smile while I explain the laws of homeschooling for the hundredth time to a cashier

And etc.

 I must confess that my frustrations have been written long ago, in James ch. 4.
"What causes fights and quarrels among you?
Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?……..
You do not have because you do not ask God.
When you ask, you do not receive,
 because you ask with wrong motives,
 that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures."
(Deep sigh.)
I have had the desires battle within me.
I have forgotten at times to ask God to help.
And some of those times, I have asked with the wrong motives…

Jumping a bit further…..
"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city,
 spend a year there, carry on business and make money.'
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow."
"Instead, you ought to say 'If it is the Lord's will,
we will live and do this or that."

Perhaps I should say…
"If it is the Lord's will we will finish 5 subjects on time in a neat house today."

A few years ago,

a brilliant woman organized an event that took place in a Florida living room.

 Veteran homeschool moms speaking to young homeschool moms.

It was music, nurture, and therapy to our unsure souls.

 From the ones who have done it……… and finished!

 Kids in college!!

Funny though, very little was mentioned about grades, scores, and who was done first.

Here are the notes I took:

Mrs. S.
don't shove a square peg in a round hole
find strengths and cultivate
its Ok to go back and do it again
don't be mad at them
character can sometimes make up for lack of strength
God created children, some super gifted, others not
don't belittle
long road and sacrifice
create a thankful home
Don't think you can't do it
accept your kids as they are

Mrs. C
Every child is called to do something different
every family is different
point your child's heart towards God
Keep loving the Lord
Can't save your kids, teach, seek, pray
Do it all with a heart for the Lord

Another but different Mrs. C
God's mercy covers the things you do wrong
teach your kids to respect their father
you will fail more than you succeed
teach kids how to research
allow and create a love for learning
with academics, everything is related
read, read, read
get out a book
find out what kids in the 1800's knew
knowledge puffs up
pray for a discerning spirit
show truth and show fallacy
show God's way, and show man's way

Mrs. S
you are the one doing most of the learning
character development is most with you
some kids need a tool belt
let child use the skill set the way God has designed them
one season curriculum works, another it doesn't
be able to let go, you can change!
they will be good at some things and not so good at others
find out if they retain the knowledge
if not, learn again, its OK
trust in God's providence
be a student of your child
don't quit, take a half day away, it does the trick

Ahhhhhhhh.
Home made remedies.
To help cure the maladies.

Thanks for reading!
I hope to write again, Lord willing ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyU0P6iqyw4

the fear of the LORD leads to life

Whatever you ask in prayer

the law of the Lord

May those who fear You, rejoice

Just like You said it would be

During the long winter months on Long Island, my cousins and my sister, and I, would play Rummy 500 endlessly.

Our ages were scattered but we were all in our teens.

Sitting with the ashtray near enough (but not interfering with our 3 of a kind fans), we would smoke and sing along to Sinead O'Connor. 

Over and over again.

It is one of my favorite memories.

Partially because it was one of the few times in my life that I felt that there were others that felt exactly like I did.

We would feel Sinead's sadness, belt out in her frustration and whisper when she whispered.

(But only Kathy could dance exactly like her to Emperor's New Clothes.) 

Now that I am old, and not gray, but artificially blonde, I don't have many of those moments when I connect with a musician and a live human being.

Typically, its me and iTunes or Youtube. 

Occasionally, there will be that time of worship, when I join in with believers, and the Spirit unites us with the song.  Oh how I love those times!!

There are not enough of them.

One morning, while all alone in my living room, before the sun could be seen, I was reading a verse in Psalms and I came up with a tune for it.

That had never happened to me before.

I am musically illiterate. 

So, I felt a great need to share this with someone who did know music.

But between those 2 moments, I had a few fantasies.

First, the person was going to be super impressed. Big eyeballs and everything.

Second, I would be invited to share it with a worship team.

 (I practiced humble statements to go with such adoration.)

Lastly, I fantasized I was not the geek I really am.

Of course, it did not go that way.

I nervously mentioned it to my musically inclined friend. She was so distracted at the time that I had to repeat myself.

"I came up with a cool tune to some Psalm verses".

"Do you want to sing it to me right here?" She said as she was packing up.

Uh, that was not in my script of what she would reply.

"No, not here, some other time."

She seemed relieved and hugged another friend as they walked up.

I walked away in reality.

Or did I walk away feeling what this devotion says, (written in the perspective of Jesus):

              "To Me each one of My children is an individual with varying characteristics and varying needs.  To one and all the way to the highest must be a lonely road, as far as human help and understanding are concerned.

None other can feel the same needs and desires, or explain the inner self in the same way.  That is why man needs Divine Companionship.  The Companionship that alone can understand each heart and need." *

Ironically, the verse I had a tune to was:

"Trust in Him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to Him."

Psalm 62:8

And that is what I did after my fantasy did not come to life.

Poured out my heart to Him.

Maybe the song was a little diddy just between us. God and I.

My song to Him. Only me, only Him.

Divine Companionship.

Our thing, just like with my sis and cousins minus the cigs.

A little more holy than an ashtray.

I guess ashes have their place.

Like on foreheads on ash Wednesday.

I don't get mine marked up but I like to see others at the grocery store with theirs.

But one day I will have something really cool on my forehead.

"They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads."

Rev 22:-4

All His promises are true. 

And when this life comes to an end for me, and I close my eyes here.

"Nothing would, nothing would please me better, than I find that You're there when I wake."

When I wake, and find Him there, with His name on my forehead… I might sing my song to Him, or Sinead's.

"It's just like You said it would be."

Thanks for reading!

*http://www.twolisteners.org/Nov%20Eventide.htm#November%2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy5ZhDTxcFA

Rejoice

Look to the Lord

Happy Veterans Day

Be at rest

Children of God

Children of God.

Knowing that I am one of God's children is still an honor I love.

The worthiness is not on me, but on His Son Jesus.

In John 1:12 it says:

"Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God."

I receive Jesus, I believe on His name.

Now I am a child of God.

A Veil Used To Be Here

"But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed."

 2Cor 3:16 

I wish I could hire a documentary narrator and have them give a history tour of my heart.

With their regal accent, they could point out how it had been gutted, cleaned, and upgraded, and state "A veil used to be here."

Like the indentations on a carpet when a couch is moved, I have a place in my heart where a veil used to be. 

The rut is still there, though the thick curtain was removed long ago.

For 24 years the veil that separated God and I stood firm. It muffled out sounds and kept me concealed from God's all knowing eyes.  I would peer out behind it in desparate times, begging and pleading for Him to do things that only God could do.

After He did, or didn't, I would return to my shrouded chaos.

I met some people that told me that if I would bare myself before God, He could forgive me, make me new, and even (raise eyebrow) love me.

These people agitated and entertained me.

I thought about all the stuff I kept behind this veil.

I looked at these fine folk and doubted they bared this sort of stuff to God. 

I kicked my stuff deeper into the veil, fearing exposure.

One brave day in June, I did come before God. 

And there I was, with my shame, my hatred, my offenses, and much more.

Barren before a Holy God.

The contrast pierced my heart. 

I awaited the condemnation I believed I deserved.

Bracing myself for, "I have not enough grace for this". Rejection.

However, 

after calling upon Jesus,

and Jesus seeing all, even more than any person on earth has seen,
the veil was split.

Rip.

Light blasted.  Love whooshed.

A hurricane of forgiveness whirl-winded the old heart.

Hardness removed yet rejuvenated with softness.

Sitting beside Him in my right mind
until I was thrilled to be in His presence.

  "But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed." 2Cor 3:16

Now, all that is epic and lovely, but none of that made me an angel that could  float out of this world.
Changes came but not all at once.

Having value in the eyes of God changed things.
When a curse would come out of my mouth, it stood out and sounded off. It no longer blended in with the other words.
Getting drunk and hanging out with the boys had less appeal than sitting in my living room trying to understand what a bible verse meant.
And the cigarettes, my lovely cigarettes…
my trusty white friends who went with every mood.
They were nicotine substitutes for what God wanted to be in my life.
And slowly, they were snubbed out.

 I realized I needed to talk to God, often.
How can I, Laura, talk to Him? Casually? In rote Catholic prayers?
 I came up with a compromise…
I would pray to God with a British accent.
That sounded a bit more reverent than my New York one.
"Dee-ya Lawwwwwd."
 I would ask Him in a phony accent for everything I needed, thanked Him for all that He did.
Only in private of course.
That got me started, kind of a crawl to a walk.
Eventually, my own voice, accent, natural way of talking became my regular means of communication.

 Tons more stuff happened and continues to happen.
Hopefully I will blog about all of the good, bad, falling down and the getting back up!
Cheerio and God Bless!
Thanks for reading!





I found a song on Noisetrade.com called "I Tore The Veil"
I love this song, and was surprised when I watched the video on youtube how young this girl (Rachel Sauls) is... wise beyond her years.
Great lyrics too.. "I see you falling and rising, I hear you agonizing.."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GdLu2coa2A