A Veil Used To Be Here

"But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed."

 2Cor 3:16 

I wish I could hire a documentary narrator and have them give a history tour of my heart.

With their regal accent, they could point out how it had been gutted, cleaned, and upgraded, and state "A veil used to be here."

Like the indentations on a carpet when a couch is moved, I have a place in my heart where a veil used to be. 

The rut is still there, though the thick curtain was removed long ago.

For 24 years the veil that separated God and I stood firm. It muffled out sounds and kept me concealed from God's all knowing eyes.  I would peer out behind it in desparate times, begging and pleading for Him to do things that only God could do.

After He did, or didn't, I would return to my shrouded chaos.

I met some people that told me that if I would bare myself before God, He could forgive me, make me new, and even (raise eyebrow) love me.

These people agitated and entertained me.

I thought about all the stuff I kept behind this veil.

I looked at these fine folk and doubted they bared this sort of stuff to God. 

I kicked my stuff deeper into the veil, fearing exposure.

One brave day in June, I did come before God. 

And there I was, with my shame, my hatred, my offenses, and much more.

Barren before a Holy God.

The contrast pierced my heart. 

I awaited the condemnation I believed I deserved.

Bracing myself for, "I have not enough grace for this". Rejection.

However, 

after calling upon Jesus,

and Jesus seeing all, even more than any person on earth has seen,
the veil was split.

Rip.

Light blasted.  Love whooshed.

A hurricane of forgiveness whirl-winded the old heart.

Hardness removed yet rejuvenated with softness.

Sitting beside Him in my right mind
until I was thrilled to be in His presence.

  "But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed." 2Cor 3:16

Now, all that is epic and lovely, but none of that made me an angel that could  float out of this world.
Changes came but not all at once.

Having value in the eyes of God changed things.
When a curse would come out of my mouth, it stood out and sounded off. It no longer blended in with the other words.
Getting drunk and hanging out with the boys had less appeal than sitting in my living room trying to understand what a bible verse meant.
And the cigarettes, my lovely cigarettes…
my trusty white friends who went with every mood.
They were nicotine substitutes for what God wanted to be in my life.
And slowly, they were snubbed out.

 I realized I needed to talk to God, often.
How can I, Laura, talk to Him? Casually? In rote Catholic prayers?
 I came up with a compromise…
I would pray to God with a British accent.
That sounded a bit more reverent than my New York one.
"Dee-ya Lawwwwwd."
 I would ask Him in a phony accent for everything I needed, thanked Him for all that He did.
Only in private of course.
That got me started, kind of a crawl to a walk.
Eventually, my own voice, accent, natural way of talking became my regular means of communication.

 Tons more stuff happened and continues to happen.
Hopefully I will blog about all of the good, bad, falling down and the getting back up!
Cheerio and God Bless!
Thanks for reading!





I found a song on Noisetrade.com called "I Tore The Veil"
I love this song, and was surprised when I watched the video on youtube how young this girl (Rachel Sauls) is... wise beyond her years.
Great lyrics too.. "I see you falling and rising, I hear you agonizing.."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GdLu2coa2A